Silence

Drumroll please, TA-DA!! Two posts in three days?! OMG ARE YOU FEELING ALRIGHT LORELAI?! You may ask but the answer is, yes and no. Im posting because my friend asked me the other day why I never talked and I couldn't answer her in person so im going to do it here. hehehehe I said do it XD. WARNING: THIS WILL BE EXTREMELY DEPRESSING BECAUSE ITS ABOUT MY LIFE SO LEAVE NOW OR BE FOREVER SCARRED. I think haha.

Okay so I guess I should go back to the beginning. Well it all happended when I was a wee lass -flashback scene thingy-. JUST KIDDING!! Okay serious mood now. Polititcs, War, Iraq, Dead puppies. Okay emo now. Well when I was eleven I started getting bullied, it wasnt too bad at first, just a few comments and the occasional shove into a bookcase or desk but when we entered grade seven it all got worse and the rumours began. My "friends" started telling everyone that I was bisexual and I was having sex with a teacher. And the worst thing was everyone believed them. Nobody would listen to what I said, I didn't have anyone. I couldn't go to the teachers either because that just made it worse. I was completley alone. Now I know what you're thinking, why didn't you just go make new friends Lorelai? Well truth is I couldn't, everybody thought I was a monster. I used to sit up in the toilets at lunch time and ball my eyes out for all of lunch time. Thats when I tried to drown myself, I almost succedded too but someone stopped me. Then my suicide attempt got out at school and the whole thing just went downhill. People avoided me even more, nobody even wanted to look at me. My bulliers called my psycho and a freak and told me I should've killed myself because nobody wanted me. I didn't tell anyone of course, thats just who I am, I keep my problems to myself. I just threw myself into school work and whenever there was free time or something, I read. That way I could ignore the world around me, I was invisible. I started cutting myself then because that was the only way I could relieve the pressure. One day I came to school in a really bad mood because me and my mum were fighting, she was worried because I was so depressed but I just couldn't tell her, and the bullying was particularly bad. They'd pull my hair and bite me and seclude me from everything. And I just snapped, I couldn't take it anymore, I tried to stab them with scissors. My mum took me to a counsellor after that and I was taken out of school for a week. You can imagine what it was like after that, I was the potential murderer. Nobody even spat at me. I just didn't exist to them. Sometimes I still dream about what it would've been like if I did stab them, and I was happy at that dream. But back to the main point the reason I dont talk is because of two reasons, A) If I don't talk then theres nothing that could make that happen again and B) I dont want people to know me, because if they did I would be hated and shunned again. If I dont talk then im all by myself, thats how I survived. And for those people that know me thats why I can't talk to new people. Oh and please dont pity me, I don't need your pity, I don't need anything but myself.

Ps. I only have one friend from my entire seven years of primary school. She was the one who saved me from being dead right now.

Pss. Katana I hope my story helps somehow and if you need me I will just sit there and be your friend. Oh and im not a strong person.

Luv Lorelai Rose XOXO

Quotes

Hey hey hey, how are you guys? I am awesome, well awesomeish haha. Hmm today I had a Robotics Incursion all day, OMG it was so fun. I made a robot XD I feel so smart hehehehe. But one my partners went psycho towards the end and started laughing at everything. Im being serious she'd like stare at me and I'd say what? and she'd be like on the floor laughing. Heheheh someone was high XD reminded me of Katana actually just kidding, PLEASE DONT HIT ME!! Then my mum yelled at me for a good half an hour because Im probably gonna fail this term in SOSE and how she gave me this great opportunity and im blowing it. Blah blah blah, God I hate having so much pressure. ITS MY FUCKIN LIFE OKAY?!

Hey I found this quote and I love it XD: Think about a man. Doesen't know your thinking about him. Doesen't care your thinking about him. Makes you think about him even more. Hahaha that is totally me right now but its so true. Well for me it is hahahaha. Oh and I found this quote that I think some people should think about. People who want death have only experienced it from the ears up. Yea I totally agree with that and this one. When you lose someone you love, you die too, and you wait around for your body to catch up. Wow those are some depressing quotes but well im a depressing person hahaha. Oh for those who don't know I tried to kill myself twice. I tried to drown myself once and the other time I kept cutting myself. Yea...awkward haha. Oh by the way for those going OMG SHE'S EMO!!! RUNNNNN!!!! <-- I'd totally do that XD But im not and never was I just needed some way to let my emotions out. But dont worry im better now, although sometimes I do cry. Oh and If you do have a difficult life just read these blogs and know suicide is not an option, its not worth it. Speaking from experience here. I fought through it, all by myself and you can too if you have no-one to go to. Stay strong, and if you ever need someone to just listen just comment me or email me. Im a great listener and even have some half-decent advice sometimes XD Im sure Katana can vouch for that. I think hahaha.

Luv Lorelai Rose XOXO

Unrequited Love

Hey guys, wow I havent posted for a while. >.> soz about that but I havent slept very well lately, which I will tell you why in this post. Yes and im very moody when im tired so I didn't want you to feel the wrath of a depressed Lorelai. Its not pretty XD Apparenly hahaha

Okay so im gonna spit this out and hope and pray no-one knows who im talking about. Im in love, for real. But... theres always a catch XD... he doesen't know I exist. I know, I know classic tragic romance haha. I believe i've reached stalker status already, I stole a picture from his facebook XD. God, im pathetic haha. My friends are going to yell at me if they ever find out who im talking about because I've never actually talked him. I tried once. Not very succesfully by the way haha. I believe it went like this.
Lorelai: Hi (Blushing like a tomato XD)
Boy: Uh Hi
Lorelai: So you like grade 9 (In my head I was like what a stupid topic!)
Boy: Yea, its alright
Lorelai: Cool
Lorelai: Bye!
I then proceded to run back to the other side of the classroom, very unladylike XD, and then hyperventalate for the next hour. OMG Im so lame, im listening to Teardrops on my guitar by Taylor Swift on repeat XD. Haha today we had our Big Grade 9 test practice and we had to line up in alphabetical order and of course he was standing next to me. I was totally like omg, he's standing next to me, he smells nice >////<, omg omg omg. XD Im turning into a crazy teenager!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! So what did we learn today? I hate unrequited love.

Ps. He's a "popular" so its even harder to talk to him because im a "nerd" and hes always surrounded by people XD

Luv Lorelai Rose XOXO

Youtube

Hi everybody im Dr. Lorelai. hehehehe who's watched too much simpsons today? Why me of course XD Guess what!!!!! I'm sick again. O.O Shocking isnt it. No not really. Oh for anyone who doesen't know me, i get sick alot. Alot, alot. YAYAYAYAYAYA FOR SICKNESS!!! Disease is bad XD. Oh and my dads threatining to take me out of my school and kick me out of my house. -Cough- fuckhead -cough-. Now you see why I dont like my dad very much hehehehe. BUT ENOUGH WITH EMO TOPICS!!! ONTO THE POST!!

Okay so recently ive been really getting into Vlogs and Anime spoofs. Hehehe thats a funny word. Spoof XD. God I sound so stoned dont I hehehehehe. Yea anyhoo, omg I stole your word Katana XD, so far I like Shane Dawson, Swiftkaratechop (Swifty!! Naww ur so cute XD) ahem scuse my fangirlyness hehehehe, Oh yeah Comicfire 7 and stuff like them hahahaha. OMG Im not funny today am I? Sorry I was writing before and I always get emo when im writing cus my stories are really sad T.T. Yes, Yes I should probably make them happier but its fun to kill off the main characters XD. Geez Lorelai way to get off topic. Oh shut up me. OH GOD IM TALKING TO MYSELF AGAIN!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! As for spoofs I like all the spoofs uploaded by EliteSkullSmash especially The Yugioh GX abridged and Naruto Abridged. OMG WHO LUVS KAKASHI FROM NARUTO?!?!?!?! I luv him so much hehehehe.

Omg I just looked on my new videos page and theres new ones by Shane Dawson and Swifty!!!! AHHHHHHH IM SO HAPPY NOW!!!!!! HEHEHEHEHE.

Ps. I got my vampire knight wallet today!!! hehehehehe its gorgeous. Ill even give you a pic haha.

Pss. I didn't take the picture, its from ebay. Yea im not that crazy. Yet. XD

Psss. I LUV KANAME AND KAKASHI!!!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY FOR BISHOUNEN!!!

Luv Lorelai Rose XOXO