Silence

Drumroll please, TA-DA!! Two posts in three days?! OMG ARE YOU FEELING ALRIGHT LORELAI?! You may ask but the answer is, yes and no. Im posting because my friend asked me the other day why I never talked and I couldn't answer her in person so im going to do it here. hehehehe I said do it XD. WARNING: THIS WILL BE EXTREMELY DEPRESSING BECAUSE ITS ABOUT MY LIFE SO LEAVE NOW OR BE FOREVER SCARRED. I think haha.

Okay so I guess I should go back to the beginning. Well it all happended when I was a wee lass -flashback scene thingy-. JUST KIDDING!! Okay serious mood now. Polititcs, War, Iraq, Dead puppies. Okay emo now. Well when I was eleven I started getting bullied, it wasnt too bad at first, just a few comments and the occasional shove into a bookcase or desk but when we entered grade seven it all got worse and the rumours began. My "friends" started telling everyone that I was bisexual and I was having sex with a teacher. And the worst thing was everyone believed them. Nobody would listen to what I said, I didn't have anyone. I couldn't go to the teachers either because that just made it worse. I was completley alone. Now I know what you're thinking, why didn't you just go make new friends Lorelai? Well truth is I couldn't, everybody thought I was a monster. I used to sit up in the toilets at lunch time and ball my eyes out for all of lunch time. Thats when I tried to drown myself, I almost succedded too but someone stopped me. Then my suicide attempt got out at school and the whole thing just went downhill. People avoided me even more, nobody even wanted to look at me. My bulliers called my psycho and a freak and told me I should've killed myself because nobody wanted me. I didn't tell anyone of course, thats just who I am, I keep my problems to myself. I just threw myself into school work and whenever there was free time or something, I read. That way I could ignore the world around me, I was invisible. I started cutting myself then because that was the only way I could relieve the pressure. One day I came to school in a really bad mood because me and my mum were fighting, she was worried because I was so depressed but I just couldn't tell her, and the bullying was particularly bad. They'd pull my hair and bite me and seclude me from everything. And I just snapped, I couldn't take it anymore, I tried to stab them with scissors. My mum took me to a counsellor after that and I was taken out of school for a week. You can imagine what it was like after that, I was the potential murderer. Nobody even spat at me. I just didn't exist to them. Sometimes I still dream about what it would've been like if I did stab them, and I was happy at that dream. But back to the main point the reason I dont talk is because of two reasons, A) If I don't talk then theres nothing that could make that happen again and B) I dont want people to know me, because if they did I would be hated and shunned again. If I dont talk then im all by myself, thats how I survived. And for those people that know me thats why I can't talk to new people. Oh and please dont pity me, I don't need your pity, I don't need anything but myself.

Ps. I only have one friend from my entire seven years of primary school. She was the one who saved me from being dead right now.

Pss. Katana I hope my story helps somehow and if you need me I will just sit there and be your friend. Oh and im not a strong person.

Luv Lorelai Rose XOXO