Silence

Drumroll please, TA-DA!! Two posts in three days?! OMG ARE YOU FEELING ALRIGHT LORELAI?! You may ask but the answer is, yes and no. Im posting because my friend asked me the other day why I never talked and I couldn't answer her in person so im going to do it here. hehehehe I said do it XD. WARNING: THIS WILL BE EXTREMELY DEPRESSING BECAUSE ITS ABOUT MY LIFE SO LEAVE NOW OR BE FOREVER SCARRED. I think haha.

Okay so I guess I should go back to the beginning. Well it all happended when I was a wee lass -flashback scene thingy-. JUST KIDDING!! Okay serious mood now. Polititcs, War, Iraq, Dead puppies. Okay emo now. Well when I was eleven I started getting bullied, it wasnt too bad at first, just a few comments and the occasional shove into a bookcase or desk but when we entered grade seven it all got worse and the rumours began. My "friends" started telling everyone that I was bisexual and I was having sex with a teacher. And the worst thing was everyone believed them. Nobody would listen to what I said, I didn't have anyone. I couldn't go to the teachers either because that just made it worse. I was completley alone. Now I know what you're thinking, why didn't you just go make new friends Lorelai? Well truth is I couldn't, everybody thought I was a monster. I used to sit up in the toilets at lunch time and ball my eyes out for all of lunch time. Thats when I tried to drown myself, I almost succedded too but someone stopped me. Then my suicide attempt got out at school and the whole thing just went downhill. People avoided me even more, nobody even wanted to look at me. My bulliers called my psycho and a freak and told me I should've killed myself because nobody wanted me. I didn't tell anyone of course, thats just who I am, I keep my problems to myself. I just threw myself into school work and whenever there was free time or something, I read. That way I could ignore the world around me, I was invisible. I started cutting myself then because that was the only way I could relieve the pressure. One day I came to school in a really bad mood because me and my mum were fighting, she was worried because I was so depressed but I just couldn't tell her, and the bullying was particularly bad. They'd pull my hair and bite me and seclude me from everything. And I just snapped, I couldn't take it anymore, I tried to stab them with scissors. My mum took me to a counsellor after that and I was taken out of school for a week. You can imagine what it was like after that, I was the potential murderer. Nobody even spat at me. I just didn't exist to them. Sometimes I still dream about what it would've been like if I did stab them, and I was happy at that dream. But back to the main point the reason I dont talk is because of two reasons, A) If I don't talk then theres nothing that could make that happen again and B) I dont want people to know me, because if they did I would be hated and shunned again. If I dont talk then im all by myself, thats how I survived. And for those people that know me thats why I can't talk to new people. Oh and please dont pity me, I don't need your pity, I don't need anything but myself.

Ps. I only have one friend from my entire seven years of primary school. She was the one who saved me from being dead right now.

Pss. Katana I hope my story helps somehow and if you need me I will just sit there and be your friend. Oh and im not a strong person.

Luv Lorelai Rose XOXO

Quotes

Hey hey hey, how are you guys? I am awesome, well awesomeish haha. Hmm today I had a Robotics Incursion all day, OMG it was so fun. I made a robot XD I feel so smart hehehehe. But one my partners went psycho towards the end and started laughing at everything. Im being serious she'd like stare at me and I'd say what? and she'd be like on the floor laughing. Heheheh someone was high XD reminded me of Katana actually just kidding, PLEASE DONT HIT ME!! Then my mum yelled at me for a good half an hour because Im probably gonna fail this term in SOSE and how she gave me this great opportunity and im blowing it. Blah blah blah, God I hate having so much pressure. ITS MY FUCKIN LIFE OKAY?!

Hey I found this quote and I love it XD: Think about a man. Doesen't know your thinking about him. Doesen't care your thinking about him. Makes you think about him even more. Hahaha that is totally me right now but its so true. Well for me it is hahahaha. Oh and I found this quote that I think some people should think about. People who want death have only experienced it from the ears up. Yea I totally agree with that and this one. When you lose someone you love, you die too, and you wait around for your body to catch up. Wow those are some depressing quotes but well im a depressing person hahaha. Oh for those who don't know I tried to kill myself twice. I tried to drown myself once and the other time I kept cutting myself. Yea...awkward haha. Oh by the way for those going OMG SHE'S EMO!!! RUNNNNN!!!! <-- I'd totally do that XD But im not and never was I just needed some way to let my emotions out. But dont worry im better now, although sometimes I do cry. Oh and If you do have a difficult life just read these blogs and know suicide is not an option, its not worth it. Speaking from experience here. I fought through it, all by myself and you can too if you have no-one to go to. Stay strong, and if you ever need someone to just listen just comment me or email me. Im a great listener and even have some half-decent advice sometimes XD Im sure Katana can vouch for that. I think hahaha.

Luv Lorelai Rose XOXO

Unrequited Love

Hey guys, wow I havent posted for a while. >.> soz about that but I havent slept very well lately, which I will tell you why in this post. Yes and im very moody when im tired so I didn't want you to feel the wrath of a depressed Lorelai. Its not pretty XD Apparenly hahaha

Okay so im gonna spit this out and hope and pray no-one knows who im talking about. Im in love, for real. But... theres always a catch XD... he doesen't know I exist. I know, I know classic tragic romance haha. I believe i've reached stalker status already, I stole a picture from his facebook XD. God, im pathetic haha. My friends are going to yell at me if they ever find out who im talking about because I've never actually talked him. I tried once. Not very succesfully by the way haha. I believe it went like this.
Lorelai: Hi (Blushing like a tomato XD)
Boy: Uh Hi
Lorelai: So you like grade 9 (In my head I was like what a stupid topic!)
Boy: Yea, its alright
Lorelai: Cool
Lorelai: Bye!
I then proceded to run back to the other side of the classroom, very unladylike XD, and then hyperventalate for the next hour. OMG Im so lame, im listening to Teardrops on my guitar by Taylor Swift on repeat XD. Haha today we had our Big Grade 9 test practice and we had to line up in alphabetical order and of course he was standing next to me. I was totally like omg, he's standing next to me, he smells nice >////<, omg omg omg. XD Im turning into a crazy teenager!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! So what did we learn today? I hate unrequited love.

Ps. He's a "popular" so its even harder to talk to him because im a "nerd" and hes always surrounded by people XD

Luv Lorelai Rose XOXO

Youtube

Hi everybody im Dr. Lorelai. hehehehe who's watched too much simpsons today? Why me of course XD Guess what!!!!! I'm sick again. O.O Shocking isnt it. No not really. Oh for anyone who doesen't know me, i get sick alot. Alot, alot. YAYAYAYAYAYA FOR SICKNESS!!! Disease is bad XD. Oh and my dads threatining to take me out of my school and kick me out of my house. -Cough- fuckhead -cough-. Now you see why I dont like my dad very much hehehehe. BUT ENOUGH WITH EMO TOPICS!!! ONTO THE POST!!

Okay so recently ive been really getting into Vlogs and Anime spoofs. Hehehe thats a funny word. Spoof XD. God I sound so stoned dont I hehehehehe. Yea anyhoo, omg I stole your word Katana XD, so far I like Shane Dawson, Swiftkaratechop (Swifty!! Naww ur so cute XD) ahem scuse my fangirlyness hehehehe, Oh yeah Comicfire 7 and stuff like them hahahaha. OMG Im not funny today am I? Sorry I was writing before and I always get emo when im writing cus my stories are really sad T.T. Yes, Yes I should probably make them happier but its fun to kill off the main characters XD. Geez Lorelai way to get off topic. Oh shut up me. OH GOD IM TALKING TO MYSELF AGAIN!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! As for spoofs I like all the spoofs uploaded by EliteSkullSmash especially The Yugioh GX abridged and Naruto Abridged. OMG WHO LUVS KAKASHI FROM NARUTO?!?!?!?! I luv him so much hehehehe.

Omg I just looked on my new videos page and theres new ones by Shane Dawson and Swifty!!!! AHHHHHHH IM SO HAPPY NOW!!!!!! HEHEHEHEHE.

Ps. I got my vampire knight wallet today!!! hehehehehe its gorgeous. Ill even give you a pic haha.

Pss. I didn't take the picture, its from ebay. Yea im not that crazy. Yet. XD

Psss. I LUV KANAME AND KAKASHI!!!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY FOR BISHOUNEN!!!

Luv Lorelai Rose XOXO

Sick

Hey guys what are y'all doing? Omg how funny would a southern accent and an australian accent sound? It'd be like attack of the country!!! AHHHHH LEG IT!!!! Yes, well that was weird XD
Vincent: You're going crazy, I told you.
Me: SHUT UP!! Its the medicine I tell ya, the medicine -hides-
Vincent to the peeps with the needles: Yes, thats her hiding under the table.
Me: TRAITOR!! XD

Soooo, now that the crazy part is over. Or is it? Nahhh just jokin im all crazied out XD If thats even possible. Oh shut up Katana stop laughing XD. Hehehehehehe anyhoo. This post is about being sick. I just wanted to know if you guys hated being sick as much as I do? Because I am currently in bed, with the blankets pulled up and everything, with the biggest headache ever and I seriously wished I had a punching bag hehehehehe. But how are you posting when you're so sick Lorelai? You may ask. Well the answer is. Drumroll sounddddddddddddddd. <--- lame XD. Well im posting because I have super awesome posting abilities. I am the posting Goddess. Ooooo I want to be the goddess of posting, anime and bishis. Thank you holy godess creator hehehehe. Yea so I am the goddess of posting, aint that fantasmagorical!! hehehe or maybe im just super bored. Hmmm I think the latter is more quickly. Geez way to go and crush my dreams XD
Me: Vincent, they were mean to meeeeeeeeeeee T.T
Vincent: Did you call yourself a goddess again?
Me: Maayybbeee, what it to ya?
Vincent: Baka.
Me: Hey I know what that means now XD

Omg im so sad right now. I went looking for some chocolate but we didn't have any so my mummy had to give me chocolate milk XD Its just not the same hehehehehe

Luv Lorelai Rose XOXO

Grrrrrr

Konnichiwa grasshoppers. OMG Racist much XD nah just joking i love asians. And Japan. OMG I LUV JAPAN!!!! Except I don't like their food >.> Fish= ewwwwwwwwww. Hehehehe anyway surprisingly im actually really angry right now. O.O i know shocking right XD.



So the first reason im angry is because my parents keep comparing me to my brothers and it is so fucking frustrating. See im that angry I swore O.O. My mum keeps going on and on about how I have to study and go to university and try harder get A's. She keeps telling me that I have to study for four hours a night otherwise im going to get an 18 (out of 25) on my op like my bro or just drop out all together like my eldest bro. WELL GUESS WHAT?! Im not my brothers, I am me. Im trying the best I can, i make myself sick over it thats how much i try. And my dad doesen't even notice i exist, stupid, narcissitic bastard. Okay and the second thing is my friend asked me if I believe in God? No I don't. I believe there is an afterlife but there is no heaven or hell. Why should I believe that some divine guy (or gal) made the world? If God is supposed to forgive us for our sins why did Jesus have to die? Why do all those people fighting in wars have to die? Why am I still alive while millions of others are being raped and murdered? What did they do wrong to deserve such a fate? Why the hell am I allowed to live comfortabley, why would he give a shit about me? The church is a lie too. They are only there to create rules and boundaries. They restrict us. Confession is bullshit, so you're allowed to kill someone on saturday if you go to church on sunday and confess? How does that make it right? If there truly is a god, why would they have to cover up so much of history and destroy anything that said he didn't exist? Shouldn't they accept like the christian faith believes. If god has some divine plan he better have some damn good reasoning. That's what I believe and before I get smited, I just want you to know that im not putting down anyone who does believe in god, I'm not forcing my beliefs on you im just expressing my opinion. Back to the original statement, I'm angry because after I said this she called me the devil reincarnate and hasnt talked to me for a week. Im sorry, sorry for thinking that I could express my beliefs without fear of judgement. <-- Hear the sarcasm XD.



On that happy note I say adios, or however you spell it hehehehe. Oh HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!! MAY CUPID SHOWER YOU WITH HIS LOVE AND ARROWS!! Wow that was a lot of words hehehehehe.



Luv Lorelai Rose XOXO

First Week Of School

Me: Hi my name's Lorelai and im a chocoholic.
Support Group: Hi Lorelai.
My gangster buddy: Sup lore-r.
Omg how unfunny was that? Wow im losing my touch
Vincent: What touch?
Me: DID I TELL YOU TO SPEAK?! NO! <---- PMS moment XD
Oh in case you didn't know Vincent is the embodiment of that annoying hole where my story ideas come from. Yes I know i'm going crazy but what can you do. NOOOOO I DONT WANT TO GO WITH THE PEOPLE IN THE WHITE COATS!!!!! SAVE ME VINCENT!!!
Vincent (sitting in corner crying): No, you hurt my feelings.
Me: Hey you're my mind remember, I can destroy you! Mwhahahahahaha! Yes im just that evil ha-ha XD

Yes so, please ignore that introduction im high today. Damn knew I shouldn't have taken that randoms candy. HEHEHEHEHEHE PINK ELEPHANTS!!!!!! ewww no pink is gross XD. Omg a security guard at the mall thought I had drugs but it was sherbert hahaha it was so funny. Anyways this post is about my first week of school. Hey where'd everybody go? Well that just mean =O. So it was pretty fun, im not dieing of boredom or anything but I have too much homework T.T. There is no me time which means I start imagining people in fluffly penguin suits because my brain prefers to be a loner. Sad T.T. SOOO anyway hehehe um my classes are all good, teachers are coolish XD, but my room keeps changing which is so incredibly annoying because I dont know where im going haha. Or maybe I just wasnt listening. That happens too sometimes hehehehehe. Well then, way to get sidetracked Lorelai XD. Um my friends are all cool, I even made some new ones (wow right?! hehehe), except for a certain someone who shall not be named and his best friend who shall also not be named. Lets just say im not the only one who has noticed. So all in all a good week, full of teachers in fluffy penguin suits. Well now im going to go chase that pink elephant and spray paint it blue! hehehehe maybe I should just spray paint my brother? O.O thats mean. Naughty Lorelai.
Vincent: But he's bigger than you, say just joking quick!
Me: Dude everyone's bigger than me, but just in case JUST JOKING BOB!!! DONT HURT ME >O<

Luv Lorelai Rose XOXO